


No Feelings

by EscaCorina



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1970s, 1970s UK, British Punk Rock Scene, F/M, Punk Rock, Young Love, friendships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 12:50:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11944587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EscaCorina/pseuds/EscaCorina
Summary: In the fall of 1976, during the height of punk rock in the UK, Sirius Black and Lily Evans come together by happenstance and circumstances out of their control. It was supposed to be one meaningless concert, but soon the two young Gryffindors get caught up in a whirlwind tour of sex drugs and rock'n'roll as they try to find their place in the Wizarding and Muggle worlds.





	1. Chapter 1

_September 1976, Oxford Street, London , After Midnight_

 When he saw her, the smoky air stunk of booze, sweat, piss, and a bit of sex. The rowdy crowd couldn’t obscure that flaming red hair and posh demeanor as she stood in the middle of muggle junkies and clueless rebels that should’ve been to bed hours ago. She stuck out painfully, a calm flame amidst a boiling sea. And she wore a wool jumper complete with a green scarf and knitted cap, despite the fact that it felt like 38 degrees in the club.

 “Evans,” shouted Sirius Black as he held out a pint to her. Loud music vibrated throughout the pub, making it nearly impossible to hear anything, even his own thoughts. But Lily Evans heard, and she eyed him a moment, then the drink, and then she met his gaze again.

 “What’s in it?” she asked, carefully taking the pint from him and making a face as some sloshed over the rim onto the sleeve of her jumper.

 “Does it matter? It all tastes like piss.” He took a large gulp from his own goblet. Muggle drinks didn’t pack the same bite of those from the _Three Broomsticks_ or even the _Leaky Caluldron._ Yet, the Gryffindor in him often partook in Muggle culture. Life was a constant Slytherin bore, otherwise.

 Sirius bobbed his head to the blaring, angry music while he stood with Lily. She took small, polite sips of her drink, each time scrunching up her nose. He hid his grin in his own drink. 

“It’s way past your bedtime, I wager,” he said. If he wasn’t seeing it with his own eyes, he never would have believed that Lily Evans, Hogwarts’s goody goody gumdrop, had attended a punk, anarchist concert in the middle of the night - well, early morning now, more like - on a school night. “Shouldn’t you be studying, or out making yourself a better magical citizen?”

 Lily, trying not to gag on her drink, held up her finger at him. “Har har. Clever one, aren’t you.” She paused, swallowing her latest sip. “If you must know, I love this music.”

 “You like Sex Pistols?” drawled Sirius, tilting his head. He gave her an unconvinced smile. “And Siouxsie and the Banshees, and The Clash?”

 “As a matter of fact, I do.” Lily nodded, but she didn’t have that spark of recognition in her eyes while she tried to bob to the music in time to the beat. She was failing hard, and damn it if it wasn’t the saddest and funniest shit Sirius had ever seen. “I quite like them.”

 “I bet on your first born's life that you don’t.”

 “This is _my_ world, _Black_. I’d know Muggle music better than you any time, any day.” She had the audacity to sound indignant. Sirius held back a taunting laugh.

 “You know fuck-all about this scene, Evans. Stick to your potions and classicals.”

 Her freckled face flamed bright red, nearly matching her hair. Sirius decided to drop the subject for now, but eventually he’d get it out of her as to why she was there. She hated this kind of thing. She’d told him every time she’d walked into the common room while his records were playing. James, Sirius had no doubt, enjoyed his music. Lily, however, stuck up her nose at it every chance she got.

 “Don’t you have a date with Snivellus?” he asked, casual, while he took out a cigarette and lit it with his favorite Muggle lighter, one he’d bummed off of a junkie at the last gig he’d been to.

 “Don’t call him that!” Lily spoke with such force that the blue flame in his hand went out before he could light the damn cig. “...and he’s my friend. But we haven’t spoken in a while. Since, you know-”

 “Since he called you a ‘filthy Mudblood’?” Sirius said it without hesitation, even as Lily flinched. He wouldn’t apologize for the truth. Snivellus Snape was - _is_ \- a massive twat. And everyone had known it but Lily, until recently.

 “Right. Since that.” Lily’s lips thinned into a tight line, and she looked away.

 Shit.

 “Give it here,” he said as he took the pint away from her, handing her his empty goblet. Then he downed her drink so she wouldn’t have to suffer through it. She hadn’t even made it halfway. “You know, you could’ve put a little more effort into blending in.” While the drunken crowd had spikey, shaved hair, black, ripped clothes, and no regard for personal space, Lily had come dressed in a fancy overcoat, her hair donned with a green knitted cap that matched her scarf. “This isn’t a fashion show.”

 Little Miss Fashion Show gave him a sweet, sunny smile as she flipped him the bird. Sirius smiled back wickedly, amused. They could dance this dance all night, though, if that’s what she wanted, since it wasn’t likely she’d spill the reason why she’d decided to bum it with punk junkies that night.

 A joint made its way around the pub, and Sirius snatched it quick before everyone else burned it down to the roach. He took a long drag, then offered it to Lily. Without fail, she wrinkled her nose at him.

 “Come on, Evans. Live a little,” Sirius nudged her with his hand, then took another drag before it went out. “You’re already here.” Then he paused, grinning again. “Unless you’re afraid your James won’t think you’re a good girl any longer.”

 That brought out the fire in her eyes he knew all too well. She took the joint with a huff.

 “He’s not my keeper, Black. He’s barely even a passing acquaintance,” she murmured. Then she frowned when she tried to take a puff and nothing happened. Sirius laughed.

 “You waited too long. Here-” He took her hand, the one clutching the joint, and lit the end with his lighter. “Quickly now.”

 Lily was a little too quick about it, and in a few moments she was coughing hard enough that her eyes watered madly. Sirius laughed again and stole the joint from her.

 “Now that was just sad, Evans,” he chided even as she struggled to catch her breath. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her out of the pub and onto the street where she could get some fresh air - well, relatively fresh, fresher than what they’d been breathing inside.

 As soon as Lily could breathe again, Sirius lit the joint one more time. “Let’s try this - breathe in when I breathe out.”

 “What? What’s that supposed to mean?” She blinked rapidly, frowning again.

 “Just do it, Evans,” Sirius said in a soft voice.

 He took another burning hit, then leaned in close to her. She gave him a wary look but didn’t stop him or back away as he coaxed her lips open with his own, giving her the smoke. It must have lasted a second, maybe two, but Sirius could’ve sworn the earth stopped spinning, the crowds disappeared, and the stars shined brighter for a tiny eternity.

 Or it could’ve been the high taking hold.

 Lily’s eyes must’ve closed during the exchange, for they opened as she pulled back from him, eyes no longer watering. “...it didn’t burn that time,” she said, clearing her throat.

 “Want another go?” Sirius asked with another wicked grin. Lily rolled her eyes at him.

 “Not likely, Black.”

Sirius passed the joint to a nearby bird, then leaned against the streetlamp they’d stood under. He studied Lily, who’d gone quiet and looked everywhere but at him. She didn’t want to be there. She didn’t want to be there drinking or smoking or missing Hogwarts curfew.

 “Evans,” he said.

 “Black,” she replied, eyes trained on her shoes.

 “Evans.”

 Silence. A long pause. The music continued to blare from the open door to the pub. Sirius could smell the smoke, the piss, the sweat, and even a bit of the sex. But his eyes remained on Lily, who’d wrapped her arms around herself as the cold seeped in.

 Then she spoke. Just four easy words not easily said:

 “My mum died today.”


	2. Chapter 2

_ My mum died today.  _

That was the last thing Sirius expected to hear. Actually, now that he thought about it, he hadn’t known what to expect. This wasn’t like Lily, coming out to a rowdy pub filled with drugs and debauchery, and on a school night! No, that wasn’t her at all.

“Shit, Evans,” he said softly, not really sure what to say to that. What could he say?  _ I wish it was my mum who’d kicked it? Parents just shit on your life and leave you to clean it up?  _ His own parents could rot for all he cared, but Lily’s parents had been different. They’d been proud of their daughter, their talented and intelligent witch. He recalled that her father had passed a year or two earlier, and so she’d only had her mum and her harpy Muggle sister left.

He tried again. “Your mum was one of the good ones.” Her dad too. Lily had been lucky to have them.

Lily nodded, mute. She continued to study her shoes as they stood close together. She cleared her throat, pushing some of her hair behind her ear. “Thanks.”

Silence descended between them again, and it gave him enough time to finally process all of this. Sirius glanced at her.

“So you’re telling me, your mum dies and you decide to come to a  _ Sex Pistols _ gig?” He wasn’t judging, but he was concerned about how she was coping. This wasn’t her scene, and for her to come here -  _ here _ , with him, of all the places she could’ve run to - that worried him.

“Petunia’s being impossible. I couldn’t stay,” answered Lily as she rubbed her face, wiping her eyes in the process. “Besides, I’ve got school. I don’t want to fall behind at the beginning of term. How pathetic is that? Flunking out three weeks in for no good reason.”

Sirius watched her, his eyes bloodshot and glassy. He swore there was a halo around her head, and was that sunshine radiating off of her? He blinked the haze away momentarily, then shook his head.

“No good reason? That’s crap,” he said, shaking his head as he ran his fingers through his messy black hair. “Absolute bollocks, Evans. Your mum died. You’re allowed to mourn. Professor McGonagall won’t punish you for grieving.” The Professor could be a hardass, but she wasn’t heartless. In fact, he suspected she had the biggest heart in Hogwarts, despite her love of slapping him with detentions.

“What am I supposed to do?” Lily tugged her coat around her tighter. “Petunia blames me for her death, for everything! She says my disease wormed its way into Mum, that my freakish nature killed her and Dad! God…”

“Since when do you listen to her?” It was Sirius’s turn to frown. “Since when does her opinion matter?”

“She’s my sister.”

“Bollocks,” he spat. “She may be blood, but she doesn't act like family. She’s shit on you ever since you got your letter. Now she’s blaming you for this? Some sister.” He sighed, taking out a cigarette.

Lily snatched it from his lips and tossed it to ground, stomping on it with one of her shiny new boots. She glared at him, and he glared back. Impasse.

Finally, Sirius sighed. “I’m sorry, Evans.” He put his pack away, though he flipped his lighter in his hand, making it levitate over his palm. “What happened?”

Lily huffed, then softened as she leaned beside him against the streetlamp. “She got really sick, something in her lungs.” Pause. “We thought she was getting better...at least, that’s what Petunia told me in the few letters she sent. But-” She shook her head.

Sirius crossed his arms over his chest. “But she didn’t get better,” he finished for her. Lily nodded quietly, shrugging.

It was odd, to lose family. Sirius dreamed every night of his parents’ passing. He’d never fit in, they’d never been proud of him - he was the black sheep of the family. The sole Gryffindor in a sea of scathing, seething Slytherins. Purebloods. Lily didn’t deserve to lose her mum, her proud, lovely mum, whom Sirius had never had the pleasure of meeting. He wished he had.

Glancing back into the pub, Sirius tugged on Lily’s knitted cap. “Come on, Evans.”

She blinked. “We’re going back in?”

Sirius smiled over his shoulder at her. “You’re here. Enjoy it while you can.” He didn’t wait for her to follow as he squeezed his way back into the pit of dancers and smashers. He danced wild and free to the sweet rebellious melodies of Siouxsie and her Banshees, uncaring of how ridiculous he might look. No one cared.

Not even Lily, who appeared at his side, smiling with glistening eyes as she jumped around with him in the middle of the mosh. They sang with the crowd; Sirius loud and proud, Lily a little more uncertain, not knowing the words. They smiled at each other, they shared another pint and a joint without coughing or losing their stomachs like a few unlucky bastards that stumbled out.

Sirius bought her a few band tees that cost him a couple Muggle pounds, and he snagged a few posters pasted to the walls. He handed her one. It wasn’t anything special, just the names of the bands and the venue, with a few terribly placed graphics. “A memento,” he told her with a grin as he folded his own small poster and stuffed it in his inside jacket pocket.

“Thanks,” she laughed. After a few more hits, she’d loosened up, and that perpetual look of concern and judgment had melted into her carefree, brilliant smile. Sirius laughed with her.

“I can’t believe that guy- what was his name?” She laughed again.

“Sid Vicious,” Sirius answered with a grin as he lit a cigarette, blowing the smoke away from her as they walked down Oxford Street.

“Sims Victor, right,” Lily snickered as Sirius grinned. “I can’t believe he wrote on your arm.”

Sirius proudly pulled back his jacket sleeve to reveal the signature scrawled sloppily across his skin in black marker. “Got to save this one,” he said with a proud smile, balancing the cig between his teeth.

“By not washing your arm?”

“Magic, Evans. Magic,” Sirius reminded her as he poked her temple lightly.

“Right. Goodness,” Lily gasped. “Sirius, we’re wizards!” Her voice was a loud whisper.

Sirius laughed. “We’re high wizards,” he corrected, pulling her back to the cobbled sidewalk before she walked into the road and got hit by a car.

“Oh no, we’re high!” But Lily moaned with a laugh, stumbling into him. Sirius caught her easily, wrapping his arm around her to keep her steady. He decided that they should stop, helping her onto a nearby bench while they waited for the Knight Bus. It arrived soon, its uncanny ability to know when a witch or wizard needed help still left him in awe.

“The Leaky Cauldron,” Sirius told the driver before he paid for them both, then helped Lily onto one of the beds on the first level, brushing his hand over her hair while she dozed. She had the band tee he’d bought her clutched in her hands against her chest. He smiled, then watched London pass by in a blur, the intensity of the city lights doubled from his chill high.

“Up, Evans,” he coaxed when they’d arrived, keeping an arm around her as they stepped off the bus and into the Leaky Cauldron. He coughed up the money for a room - he had plenty, and he took great pleasure in using his Pureblood family’s wealth to help out his Muggle-born friend.

Lily fell into the musty, dusty bed, fully clothed. Sirius took her shoes and scarf off for her, then pulled the warm blankets up over her shoulders. As he pulled away, he felt a tug on his jacket. Her eyes were open, bloodshot and bleary.

“Thank you, Sirius,” she whispered, pausing briefly, before, “...what am I going to do?”

Sirius removed her hand from him, placing it back under the blankets. “You’re going to get some rest, and in the morning you’re going to class. On time,” he added with a smile. “And then you’re going to say goodbye to your mother. Properly, Petunia be damned.”

Lily’s responding, sleepy smile was brilliant.


	3. Chapter 3

“Thank you for joining us, Mr. Black,” said the incorrigible Professor Horace Slughorn the next morning as Sirius walked into Potions class. Late. Again. 

Not even sparing the professor a brief glance, he plopped himself beside one of his best mates, James Potter. Without having to look at him, he could tell that James wore that stupid little grin on smug face. Despite himself, Sirius smiled as well, finally turning to his friend.

“Out late, I see,” whispered James as Slughorn continued with class. Sirius idly doodled charicatures of Snape, who sat on the other side of the classroom among his fellow Slytherins, whom the fifth year Gryffindors shared Potions period. A quick glance also showed him that Lily wasn’t in the room. She’d never be late for Potions, not when she was one of Slughorn’s class pets.

“Concert at the 100 Club,” Sirius whispered back with a smirk. His head had been pounding when he’d woken that morning, having already missed his first class. “Couldn’t miss it.”

Slughorn had stopped talking and looked in their direction pointedly. James and Sirius bent their heads and picked up their quills, feigning notetaking. When Slughorn’s lecture continued, James and Sirius shared a smile. Remus Lupin, who sat beside Peter Pettigrew right in front of them, glanced back briefly and quietly shook his head at them.

“In London? With all the muggles?” James whispered to him, shaking his head as well. “Padfoot, why bother with that lot? They’re dull.”

Sirius grinned. “I like Muggles. They’re funny.” He twirled his quill between his fingers. “Besides, they’ve got better herbs than even old Sluggie here can brew up.” The both of them snickered.

“Did you bring any back?” James asked after a moment as they waited for Slughorn to turn his attention away from them.

Sirius shook his head. “Next time,” he promised. Lily’s absence ate at him a bit, and he leaned in closer to James. “Where’s Evans?” If anyone knew, it’d be James. The git was head over heels for that girl, for reasons which Sirius would never understand.

“Dunno.” James glanced at him. “She never showed for Transfiguration either.” A pause, then, “Why?”

Sirius shrugged casually. “I heard that her mum died, that’s all.” 

“Her mum died?” James blinked, sitting back in his chair. “When?”

“Er, yesterday, I think.” Sirius shrugged again, nonchalant. “She didn’t tell you?”

“I was a complete twat to her yesterday,” groaned James. He rubbed at his face in exasperation. “I had no clue - wait, she told  _ you _ ?”

“I- might’ve heard a rumor. You know how the Gryffindor hens cluck all day long,” Sirius answered easily with a weak smile. No way he was telling James that he’d found Lily Evans in the middle of a Muggle concert, smoked a few joints and shared a few pints with her. Absolutely not. James would go mental on him. “Guess that’s why she didn’t rail at you for being a complete twat, huh?” He tried to make light.

James nodded, distracted as he stared ahead. “I should apologize...she’ll never date me now.”

“Right,” said Sirius with a nod. “Good idea. Do that.” James should be the one to comfort Lily Evans, not Sirius. James wanted Evans, and Sirius wanted to have a good time and see his new favorite Muggle bands. There were more concerts coming up, after all.

Soon they were busy trying to brew a Calming Draught. Needless to say, Potions was not one of Sirius’s strengths. Lily might have brewed one and been done with it by now, but as it were, he and James struggled to get it all right by the end of class. They received an average mark for their effort.

Sirius walked with James, Remus and Peter through the corridors. They all had class, while Sirius had a free period to make some mischief.

“How was the concert?” Remus asked, walking on his left, James on his right. Peter lagged a bit behind.

“Brilliant,” Sirius answered with a smile, recalling the night. He recalled the sounds, the smells, the dancing, the way the light gleamed over her red hair after her knitted cap had fallen from her head- he shook himself from that daydream. Damn, and he’d thought his hangover draught that morning had cured him. Apparently not.

“I can’t believe you went on a school night, Padfoot,” Peter murmured from behind them. Sirius reached back and pulled Peter forward, slinging his arm around the smaller boy’s neck.

“I wager there’s loads you can’t believe,” he laughed, then recounted his night for his friends -  leaving out the bits about Lily being there and the great time they’d had together as they done all they could to help her forget her sorrows. His friends laughed with him, telling him he was going to get caught one of these days, and they wouldn’t be there to bail him out.

“You’d never leave poor Padfoot behind,” Sirius said with a confident smile. “Your cool factor would drop so fast you’d lose your knickers.” Then he said goodbye as they departed for class.

Sirius meandered through the school grounds, making his way to the Whomping Willow. He changed into his Animagus form when he was sure no one was around, and then he hurried through the secret passage to the Shrieking Shack. There sat his motorcycle, the old rust bucket his pride and joy, his favorite project from fourth year.

He rode high into the clouds after getting the creaky old machine into the Forbidden Forest, where there’d be no prying eyes. If he went fast enough, he could make it back in time for his afternoon class.

Sirius often left Hogwarts to go off on his own adventures. There was just so much he wanted to do, rather than waste every moment of his young years at school. He loved Hogwarts, there was no questioning that, but he also loved his freedom, which he did not have at 12 Grimmauld Place. His thirst for adventure had brought him to James and Remus- Prongs and Moony.

His thirst had brought him to the flying motorcycle he now rode over the land, taking in the fresh air and the blue skies. He could go to Hogsmeade, have a shot of Firewhiskey at the  _ Three Broomsticks _ \- he’d done that often enough, though it was more fun with his best mates.

He could go to any number of the magical locations throughout England and Scotland.

Instead, he headed toward a small, insignificant Muggle village, to small, insignificant Muggle house. 

 

To Cokeworth, near Spinner’s End.

 

To Lily Evans.


	4. Chapter 4

Sirius ambled along the crooked cobblestone road, stopping in front of the familiar, insignificant house he’d heard about in stories about a hundred times. James never shut up about Lily. 

The small sign on the fence reading “Evans” also helped him identify the residence. The house, more like a cottage, was unassuming, with stone walls and dark windows covered in what looked like...floral curtains? Sounded about right.

The front door was rounded at the top, and red. Not Lily-red.

Dismounting from his bike, Sirius shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket. He’d ditched his class robes back in the Shrieking Shack before he’d left, replacing them with the extra clothes he left in the Marauders hideaway.

He climbed up the short steps to the front door, and, after one knock, two, maybe three, he waited. When no answer came, he rang the doorbell. Still nothing. Sirius sighed, taking out a cigarette and shoving it between his lips as he gazed around the front of the house.  _ If I were a Lily, where would I be? _

The small fence blocking the view of the backyard caught his eye, and he casually made his way to it. He could see flowers in bloom just over the fence gate, and after he flipped over the latch and entered, getting a better view of the rest of the garden, he found a certain Lily standing in the middle of it all. She merely stood there, gazing at the blooms.

Sirius put his cigarette away, unlit, and came up beside her without saying a word. He too gazed around at the small garden he guessed had been lovingly tended by Lily’s parents, once upon a time. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her glance at him. Perhaps shake her head as well. He smiled.

“Skipping class again, Black? Why doesn’t that surprise me?” said Lily with a soft sigh, arms crossed over her chest.

“I’d be more surprised if it did,” replied Sirius. “Your garden?” He gestured to the blooms with a brief nod. Lily nodded in return.

“Mine,” she whispered. “My mum’s.” She knelt by a large crop of lilies, which had begun to wilt, by the looks of it. Yet, with just a small flick of her wand, Lily brought them back to life.

“Not supposed to do magic outside of school,” Sirius chided lightly.

Lily scoffed. “Sirius Black, notorious rule breaker, is lecturing me on the rules?” She shot him a dark look that brought out a loud laugh from him.

“I don’t lecture, Evans.” Sirius shook his head. “That’s your job, if I recall.” By her small smile, he figured he’d lightened her mood a bit. Lecturing might’ve been her specialty, but brooding was his department. Lily shouldn’t brood. That wasn’t her. Not even for this.

“Is your sister here?” He asked, glancing back at the humble house. “I knocked and gave a ring, but no one answered.” He’d half expected Petunia to come storming out to tell him to mind his own.

Lily shook her head as she straightened. “Petunia’s not here. She’s staying with our Aunt. I don’t think she likes being in the empty house by herself, and I don’t blame her. I’d hate it too.” She wiped the dirt from her hands and met his gaze. “What are you doing here?”

Ah, there it was. Sirius had hoped she wouldn’t ask him, because he honestly had no good answer. At least, not an answer that was satisfactory for him. He shrugged, flicking a cigarette between his fingers idly.

“You weren’t in class today. I thought I’d pop in, make sure you didn’t decide to ditch for good,” he said.

“Hogwarts is my home,” said Lily with a wry smile. “Honestly, Sirius, you of all people should know I’d never give it up that easily.”

Sirius would give her that. “Also thought I’d warn you about James,” he added with a snicker. “Expect a chocolate frog or two, maybe a love note. I saw wheels turning in his head after Sluggie’s class.”

Lily looked skyward and groaned, but that soon turned into a laugh. “Why won’t he take a hint? Short of shoving my fist into his face, I don’t know how much clearer I can make myself. You’re his friend, Sirius. You talk to him.”

Sirius held up his hands in mock surrender. “Oy, I talk to him plenty. He’s thick in the head, that one, and I promise you he’s never going to stop.”

“Never?” Lily’s voice was full of despair, despite the smile on her face.

“Never,” he said with a shake of his head. “He’s mental about you.”

Lily turned her attention back to her garden. “I wish he’d stop.”

“You’re not the only one,” Sirius muttered. Lily looked at him so fast he thought her head would spin. He snorted. “Don’t get any ideas, Evans. I don’t like hearing your name all day more than you like him calling it all day.”

Lily laughed. Sirius laughed.

“Do you want some tea? Our kettle’s still here.” Before he could say no, Lily had already walked toward the house, and so Sirius had no other option than to follow. The back door led right into a tiny kitchen that made his eyes hurt. Bright yellows and blues assaulted him from every nook and cranny.

“How do you like it? One spoon, two? Milk?” Lily asked as she puttered about the kitchen, using magic as she went along. Cups set themselves at the table, and the kettle filled with water before it placed itself over the oven.

“Black,” he said with a grin as he made himself comfortable in front of the table. It had a faded blue and white linen covering with birds embroidered along the edges.

Lily stared at him, and he laughed.

“One spoon, please,” he said at length. “No milk.” He really didn’t want any tea, if he were being honest, but Lily was of one mind, and she’d already put her energy into it.

After Lily served the tea and sat down across from him, they sat in silence. Sirius sipped his drink, thinking it could use a shot of something stronger than sugar. He leaned back in his seat, tipping the chair slightly, his gaze finally landing on Lily.

“There’s another concert coming up, if you’re interested,” said Sirius, breaking the silence.

“I’m sure there are many concerts coming up,” Lily murmured in reply, eyes fixed on her cup.

“Come with me, Evans. Live a little.” He set down his cup. “You did it once, for reasons I still can’t comprehend.”

“I’ve got my mum’s funeral to worry about, and Petunia-”

“When you’ve said your proper goodbyes, come with me.”

Lily sighed, smiling faintly. “Why me? Why not ask your friends? We’re not friends.”

“After last night, we’re friends. Trust me,” Sirius said, a wicked gleam in his eyes. “James doesn’t care for Muggle music, Remus is too much of a good lad for it, and Peter - well, Peter’s Peter.” Peter wasn’t cool. The kid was lucky to call himself a Marauder in the first place. 

Lily laughed, then met his eyes. She still hadn’t given him an answer. Sirius tried again.

“This is the year of punk, Evans. It’s the year of anarchy and fun. Time to be a rebel.” Sirius opened up his jacket to show her the shirt he’d snagged from the pub show. Lily smiled, then lifted up her jumper to show that she wore hers as well. Sirius gave her his most charming smile.

“I take it that’s a yes?” Sirius prodded.

“What about James?” Lily clutched her teacup.

“What about him?”

“Never mind.” Lily shook her head, then smiled. “Punk and anarchy and fun?”

“That and more.”

“Not so many drugs, though....right?”

“I can only make so many promises, Evans.”


	5. Chapter 5

_ Late October 1976, Gryffindor Common Room, Around 10 pm _

 

“Sirius?” 

Lily’s whisper couldn’t have been any louder if she tried. Sirius stood right by the entrance to the Gryffindor common room, leaning against the back of the painting of the Fat Lady. He watched, amused, as Lily Evans searched this way and that for him, tiptoeing around the common room as quietly as she could, which wasn’t much. She kept bumping into things, even with her wand’s tip illuminated by  _ lumos _ .

“Over here, Evans,” called Sirius as he peeked his head out from under the invisibility cloak he wore. Lily’s gasp might have woken up the whole common room. He put his finger to his lips. “Just wake the entire school, will you?”

Lily stared at him with wide, curious eyes as she crept closer, reaching out to touch him. She gasped again, quietly this time, when her fingers hit a barrier, the barrier being his chest. Sirius removed the rest of the cloak to reveal himself. 

“How are you doing that?” Lily asked, gazing at the cloak he held.

“Magic,” Sirius answered with a wry smile. Lily gave him an unamused look, which made him chuckle.

“Obviously, Black.” She shook her head at him, but her focus remained on the cloak. “Where did you get that?”

“I borrowed it from James,” he said, a little too innocently.

“Borrowed, or stole?”

“He won’t be bothered by its absence for one night.” Sirius shrugged. James wouldn’t be too upset, as all of the Marauders borrowed it on occasion for their own nefarious purposes. Sirius just happened to use it the most often. “Come on, then.” He motioned for her to join him under the cloak as he lifted it over his head once more.

Giving him a skeptical look, Lily stepped closer until Sirius could drop the cloak around them.

“Now, don’t make a sound. We’re invisible, not inaudible,” he explained right before he opened the common room door and stepped out from behind the Fat Lady’s portrait with Lily, coordinating his steps with hers. Then they crept down the ever-changing stairwells and through the dark corridors, using  _ lumos _ sparingly. To get around any patrolling professors, Sirius took out the Map.

“ _ I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,”  _ he whispered, pointing his wand to the crinkled parchment, leaving Lily to hold up the cloak by herself.

“What is  _ that _ ?” she whispered, a little too loudly. Again.

“Clearly, it’s a map.”

“Yes, I can see that. But where did you get it?”

Sirius grinned, glancing at Lily and meeting her eyes in the dim light from her wand. “I made it.”

Her jaw dropped, for the slightest moment, before she shut her mouth and merely shook her head with a faint smile. “You know what? I’m no longer surprised.”

“Good,” Sirius said with a mischievous smile. “I’m not trying to be a mystery.”

They continued on, Sirius navigating the way to avoid wandering prefects and professors. He swore he saw the name “Severus Snape” appear at some point, but it could have been his imagination, for when he looked again, the footsteps and name had disappeared.

Then, just as they were about to leave through the back stairs that led to the whomping willow, where his motorcycle waited, Sirius heard footsteps. He pulled Lily with him against the stone wall and put his hand over her mouth so she wouldn’t gasp or ask any questions that might be heard by whoever was near.

They glanced at each other and held their breath as the footsteps grew louder and nearer. A shadowy figure trotted in from the night air, and the faint light from their wand illuminated their pale, greasy haired face.

_ Snivellus. _

Sirius felt Lily squirm against him, but he gave her a gentle warning squeeze. He could sense what she was thinking: Severus was her friend, surely it wouldn’t matter if he saw them. But Sirius knew better. Severus would take any chance he got to get Sirius into trouble with not only the Headmaster, but also with Professor McGonagall.

They watched as Severus breezed past them. But then he stopped. And he turned in their direction, his expression as severe as his name. The slimy Slytherin stepped closer, and at the same time Sirius and Lily sidestepped him, trying their damnedest not to make a sound or stir up the air around them.

Severus stared a little too long, and then he shrugged, hurrying further into the castle and leaving Sirius and Lily behind.

Sirius could feel Lily’s heart racing in time with his own. Severus had been way too close for his peace of mind...and what had little Snivellus been doing out so late anyhow?

He didn’t dwell on that thought long as he rushed out with Lily to get to their transportation. At the sight of it, Lily shook her head.

“Not happening, Black.”

Alright, so his bike looked dodgy, but it held up well. So far. 

Sirius mounted it, then revved the engine as he grinned back at Lily.

“Oh, it’s happening, Evans.”

 

\-----

 

They soared through the night, hidden from Muggle eyes by the night and the clouds low in the sky. Lily clutched tightly to Sirius, her arms wrapped around his middle and her face pressed to his shoulder. He wasn’t even going that fast, in his mind. 

“Still breathing?” He called to her.

He felt her shake her head. “How much longer?” She called back. “We’ve been flying for an eternity!”

“It’s only been twenty minutes,” laughed Sirius as he slowed a bit. Not too much - he didn’t want to arrive too late at the venue.

“Where are we going?”

“London.”

“Where in London?”

Sirius smiled. “The Marquee Club.” He glanced back in time to see her peek her eyes over his shoulder. She wore the bulky goggles he’d given her. “Someone called The Groundhogs and Unicorn is playing there tonight.” He doubted the latter knew of the existence of actual unicorns, but the name had drawn Sirius to this gig.

“Are they any good?” Lily asked, gaining more confidence as she lifted her head higher.

“Don’t know.” Sirius shrugged, then smiled back at her. “But we’re about to find out.” He pushed them forward, faster, and Lily yelped in surprise, pressing her face against his dark hair.


	6. Chapter 6

An impossibly long queue blocked their way into the Marquee Club once they’d arrived in London. While the wheels in his head turned, Sirius heard Lily sigh at the sight of the crowd. 

“We’re never getting in,” she muttered, shivering with her arms wrapped around herself. The November air was crisp in the daytime, but by night it turned absolutely frigid. Sirius wrapped his arm around her as he surveyed the front entrance of the club. His eyes went to a nearby alley, and he stepped from Lily. 

“Wait here,” he said as he casually made his way to the dark and seedy alley.

“Sirius, what-” he heard Lily call, but then he was too far, and her voice was lost in the cold breeze that blew, ruffling his hair. Just as he’d thought, there was a back entrance, which was guarded by a large man with an awful mustache. The man hadn’t seen him yet, and so, in the cover of the shadows, Sirius slunk down and emerged as a large black dog.

He growled low in his throat to get the man’s attention. Then he stalked closer, going slow, his hackles raised. The bouncer brandished a knife and waved it at him.

“Stay back, mutt. Go on, fuck off!” He did his best to look bigger and more menacing, but Sirius wasn’t deterred by the Muggle. With another growl, he lunged and chased the bouncer out of the alley, pushing him far enough away that he wouldn’t be back at his post anytime soon.

Doubling back, Sirius changed in the shadows of the alley and ran to grab Lily.

When he reached her and grabbed her hand, tugging her along, she spluttered out a helpless, “Sirius, bloody hell, what’s going on-”

“Just hurry!” He laughed, rushing into the alley with her, right to the back entrance. He grabbed the handle and yanked, but the door didn’t budge. Locked.

Just as he was about to take out his wand, Lily whispered, “ _ Alohomora _ !”  _ Click. _

Grinning at her, and finding her grinning back, Sirius slipped inside, his hand still gripped tight to Lily’s. The corridor they came upon was dark, and it vibrated to the thumping, intense music that played in the main hall. A few drunken individuals appeared at the end of the corridor, laughing and passing around a flask.

Sirius and Lily pushed past them to the curtained doorway. He peeked through the flaps and saw a crowded room full of young rebels all drinking and smoking, most of them sweaty as they lounged on soiled seats and cushions.

“I can’t believe this is your idea of fun,” whispered Lily beside him. Sirius turned away from the crowd to smile at her.

“You agreed to this.” And she’d been at the other gig, which had been much of the same.

“I’m regretting that decision.”

Sirius paused. “Are you?”

Lily’s smile was visible from the light coming through the curtained doorway. “No, not really.”

Sirius squeezed her hand, though he didn’t let go as he guided her into the crowd, toward the bar counter. He’d spied an empty seat they could snag.

Snag they did. Sirius gestured for Lily to sit as he ordered them a couple of pints. He bobbed his head to the music as he leaned against the counter. Lily’s head bobbed away as well, and he had a momentary lapse in judgment as his fingers caressed her hair. She glanced up at him, and he stopped, giving her a half smile, which she returned.

“Which one’s playing, do you think?” He asked loudly, to be heard over the music.

“Unicorn,” Lily shouted back.

“How do you figure?” Sirius handed her a pint.

“Oh, I don’t know, perhaps from the banner hanging behind them?” Lily answered.

Sirius then noticed the banner with the band’s name hanging behind them on the wall. He hadn’t seen it before through the haze of smoke and the bright, flashing lights in the club. He nudged Lily as he snorted.

“Cheeky,” he muttered into his drink. “Think you’re clever, huh?”

“I know I’m clever,” Lily said with a laugh before she took a sip from her pint. “More than that map of yours, I wager.”

Her attention went back to the band, and Sirius enjoyed the music a moment or two more before she spoke again. He had to lean in closer in order to hear her.

“Say again?” He asked.

“Why are you so cruel to Severus?” Lily repeated, holding her pint between her hands on her lap.

Sirius sighed. “Honestly, Evans.” Why did they even have to think about that worm? “I think I’m rather fair. I could make his life a nightmare if I truly wanted.”

Lily frowned at him. “But why? He’s never done anything wrong-”

“Other than call you a filthy Mudblood.”

Lily huffed. “I don’t think he meant it. He’s been my friend since we were kids...He didn’t turn his back on me when I got my letter.”

“A true friend wouldn’t say something like that.” Sirius leveled his gaze on her as he finished off his pint. “I would never say that to you. Not to your face, not behind your back - never.”

“Perhaps if you wouldn’t bully him, he wouldn’t strike out against the only ones who care about him,” she retorted. “You and James are horrid to him.”

“He’s a Slytherin, Evans.”

“He’s from the Muggle World, just like me.”

“And yet he’s turning his back on that part of him.”

Lily paused, blinked. “What do you mean?”

Sirius sighed, taking her drink from her. “He may be a half-blood, but he acts just like every pureblood Slytherin I’ve ever known. Exactly as the family I’ve known my whole life.” Living in 12 Grimmauld, among all those vicious purebloods...it was hell.

“You don’t know him like I do,” said Lily as she stood so she wouldn’t have to look up at him. “He grew up in the worst place, with the worst family who treated him like he was nothing-”

“Then he can join the club,” Sirius spat. “Having a shitty family doesn’t excuse him from being an arsehole. Be real, Evans. Open your eyes.”

“My eyes  _ are  _ open,” Lily said through gritted teeth. “You’re the one who can’t see him for what he really is.”

“A coward.”

“What?”

Sirius kept his gaze locked with hers. “He’s a coward, just like every Slytherin before him. Can’t stand up to his enemies, so instead he slithers around every problem and uses tricks to get what he wants. That’s what cowards do, Evans. They run from the fight and hide, then deal the killing blow when other, braver souls have already weakened you.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Then they call themselves heroes.”

Lily shook her head. “Not all Slytherins are bad. There’s good in everyone. There’s good in even the most bleak of places, or families,  _ Black _ .”

“Not this time, Evans.” Sirius glanced back at the band as they left the stage to take a break. “Severus isn’t good. He sees himself as a hero, but who doesn’t? But trust me in this: he’s on the wrong side, getting into the Dark Arts.” They’d all noticed it, how Snivellus had gotten himself deep into Dark magic, and even Sirius had noticed him in the restricted section more often than not in the library.

“He’s on the wrong side,” Sirius repeated. “And when he realizes it, things will be bad, and it won’t take him long to decide to join the good. Because he’s a coward.”

“...I think he loves me,” Lily confessed, so quietly he almost didn’t hear her.

“Then snog the tosser and be done with it.”

“Don’t be vulgar.” Lily shoved at him, then pushed through the crowd. Sirius followed after her, stopping her before she could leave.

“Evans, come on,” he said with a sigh. “I’ll stop bullying Snivellus.” If that would make her feel better.

“Stop calling him that.” Lily leaned against the wall in the dark corridor they’d come through when they’d entered. Her arms were crossed.

“Alright then. I’ll stop.” Sirius leaned against the opposite wall, ignoring the other clubbers as they stumbled past to get to the nearby loo. “...he doesn’t love you.”

“What?” Lily tilted her head.

“He doesn’t love you,” he repeated. “He’s obsessed with you. There’s a difference.”

Lily was quiet, perhaps considering his words. While she thought about it, Sirius continued.

“Someone who cares about you wouldn’t degrade you like that, not even in anger.” It said something about Snape if he could just toss around that slur, especially when it was aimed at his supposed love of his life. “I have no sympathy for cowards like him. I have no pity, and I have no remorse for what I’ve said to him. But- I’ll stop now, if that’s what you want.”

Lily nodded. “...Thank you, Sirius.” She gave him a small smile, then closed the space between them to wrap her arms around him.

Sirius returned the hug and patted her back lightly. “Come on. We’ve got the rest of the night to enjoy before class.”

Lily smiled, then groaned as she pulled back from him. “Oh no, we’ve got exams, don’t we?”

“Don’t remind me.”


	7. Chapter 7

They walked through the streets of London, side by side, until Lily nudged Sirius and hurried ahead to twirl in a slow dance under the dim light of a street lamp. He smiled as he watched, taking out a cigarette. The smoke from the tip swirled in a similar dance, in his eyes. 

Or it could be the high that still caught hold of him. Lily too.

“Sirius, it’s snowing!” Her laugh carried to him like a song in a cool breeze. Now that she’d mentioned it, he could see the gently falling flakes of snow. It was a little early for snow - it had been clear and sunny just that morning.

As Lily spun under the snow and the lamp light, her scarf came loose and drifted toward the ground. But Sirius scooped it up before it could touch the grimy streets, and with a smile he tossed his cigarette and approached her.

“It’s extraordinary, isn’t it? Isn’t it, Sirius-” Lily said, already breathless and smiling from ear to ear as she stopped to face him. 

Sirius smiled back, then wrapped the scarf back around her neck in a loose knot. His thumb made the mistake of brushing against her soft cheek, and he could feel the warmth of her blush.

“Thank you,” Lily breathed as she gazed up at him with shining eyes.

“Of course.” He nodded, dropping his hand. He ignored the way his heart raced and his head throbbed from being so close to her. To make himself feel better he reminded himself that he was merely smashed. “Don’t want you to chill. It’s quite nippy out, you know.”

Neither of them stepped away, from each other nor from the light where they could see the softly falling snow.

Lily blinked, then shook her head. “No.”

“No?” Sirius tilted his head with a half grin.

“Not for the scarf, I mean. I mean- yes, thank you for that.” Her words were both slurred and rapid, if that were possible. “I meant, thank you for everything else.”

“Everything else?” It wasn’t his intention to sound like an absolute idiot, but for the moment he couldn’t think clearly.

“My mum’s funeral.”

“Ah, that.” Now he understood.

“Thank you for coming.” She put her hand against his chest, and he noticed she didn’t have gloves on. He took out the ones from his pocket and slipped them onto her hands.

“That’s what friends do, Evans,” he murmured. He could see now that they could see their breaths coming out in white, wispy puffs.

She shook her head. “You didn’t have to...most of my friends didn’t come.”

“Some friends they are.”

“They mean well. Death isn’t easy to face.” Lily’s gloved hands remained in his as they stood together.

“You faced it. Twice.” Sirius reminded her, giving her hands a squeeze.

“I don’t want to do it again.” Her voice was small, quaking a bit. Might’ve been from the cold.

“We all have to face it one last time in our lives.” Death had never been a fear of his. It came for them all one day, whether they went willingly or kicking and screaming. He’d rather go with his head held high, with all his dignity. He wanted to go down fighting for something good.

“Then I don’t want to do it alone.”

Just as Sirius opened his mouth to remind her that they all had to go it alone, Lily’s gloved hand covered his lips. She was smiling faintly, looking at him like he were a hero. He could be her hero, if she needed one. Which she didn’t.

“Sirius.”

“Lily.”

A  brief pause, then-

“I want to kiss you.”

Sirius grinned. “Everyone wants to kiss me.”

Lily’s cheeks darkened in the dim light, and she laughed, shoving at him halfheartedly. “You’re quite full of yourself, you know.”

“I know.” He flashed her another smile.

Shaking her head, Lily looked away before she peeked up at him again. “...Will you kiss me?”

“Right now?”

“Yes.”

His turn to shake his head. “No.”

The way her face fell made him want to take back every ill word he’d ever said to her, but in this he wouldn’t waver. Before she could pull away completely, he grasped one of her hands. 

“Believe me, I want to,” he said, trying to clarify. “But we’re both piss drunk right now. It wouldn’t be right.” Besides, when he kissed her, he wanted her to remember - hell,  _ he  _ wanted to remember it - and he wanted her to know she wanted it. Waiting for a sober kiss from Lily would be worth more than receiving a sloppy one right then, even if it was under a romantic snowfall.

“...didn’t you kiss me once before, at the last one?” Her voice was hopeful.

“That wasn’t a kiss,” he murmured in response.

“Our lips touched.”

Sirius breathed out a soft laugh. “That wasn’t a kiss,” he insisted. “Trust me, when I kiss you, you’ll know it.”

Lily considered - he could tell by the way her gaze went unfocused for a moment. With a sigh, she leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. Sirius wrapped his arms around her, lightly stroking her soft, and now soaked, hair. They’d stood out in the snow far too long.

“Let’s get back,” he murmured against her hair.

Lily nodded, then glanced every which way when she’d pulled back. “Where’s your bike?”

“I sent it away already.”

She laughed. “Is there anything you  _ can’t  _ do?”

“Not yet,” he said with a lazy smile. “But you’ll be the first to know once I find out.”

Lily snorted, taking his hand as she pulled him along through London. Sirius hadn’t realized how far they’d gone until they’d reached the Leaky Cauldron all on their own. That had been dangerous and risky, and he cursed the Knight Bus for not finding them.

Inside, he ordered them two hot chocolates, then sat with Lily in front of the roaring fireplace in the common area, right across from the pub counter. She smiled at him in thanks, then blew across the surface while Sirius wrapped the Invisibility Cloak around them for added warmth.

“Where’d this come from?” she asked, eyes wide at the sight.

Sirius laughed softly. “Magic.” That earned him a light shove, which only had him laughing harder.

“You’re never going to tell me your secrets, are you?” She sighed, sipping her chocolate.

“Never,” he agreed cheerily.

They sat in comfortable silence in front of the crackling fire, cozy under the cloak that caused them to appear as two floating heads to any passersby. Sirius reflected on the concert and the way they’d danced together until the last encore; the way they’d raced away when they’d gotten caught trying to sneak away one of the banners as a souvenir, laughing together as they’d run out of breath.

Before he knew it, his eyes had closed, and his head rested against Lily’s.

“Sirius?”

“Hm?”

“You’re a good friend.”

Sirius nodded. “I know.”

Lily nudged him after a moment.

“Hm?” 

“What about me?”

He grinned. “You’re alright, I suppose.”

Her gasp sounded right before she shoved at him hard, making him drop the rest of his hot chocolate on his pants. “Shit-” He glanced at Lily in time to see she’d hopped up and backed away. He gave her a wolfish smile, baring his teeth as he slowly stood and picked up her abandoned goblet.

The Leaky Cauldron echoed with Lily’s shrieks of laughter as Sirius chased her around, flinging bits of hot chocolate at her.


	8. Chapter 8

_ December 1976, Hogsmeade, The Three Broomsticks _

 

“Oye, Sirius! All there, mate?” 

Sirius blinked away his daydream, then brushed a hand through his hair as he focused on his best friend, James. If he was being completely honest, he hadn’t listened to anything his friends had been saying for the last half hour.

“Yeah?” He sat back in his chair as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it behind his hand. He, James and Remus had situated themselves near some windows in The Three Broomsticks, so he pushed one open a crack and blew the smoke into the frigid air outside.

“What’s got into you?” James asked, gaze narrowed at him.

Sirius shrugged, taking a sip of his butter beer between puffs. “I’m listening.”

“...Right.”

Remus cleared his throat from where he sat on Sirius’s right. James was seated across from them, and the chair beside him remained empty. Peter was...somewhere, and, quite frankly, Sirius didn’t care what he was getting up to at the moment. He glanced at Remus, brow raised.

“We were just saying, do you think you’ll go home for holiday?” Remus asked in his soft voice. It was painfully clear that he didn’t care for Sirius’s smoking. “At 12 Grimmauld.”

Home, or rather that prison, was the last place he wanted to spend Christmas. He could see it now: quiet punctuated only by the occasional scrape of metal against a plate, and the offhand comment from his mother about what an absolute failure to the family he’d become. No presents, no warmth, no merriment. No thanks.

Sirius snorted. “Not likely.” He put out his cigarette and sighed. “I’ll be alright at Hogwarts.”

“We’re real sorry about, you know,” James put in quietly, guilt written all over his face. Normally, Sirius would have stayed with James or Remus and spend Christmas with one of their families, but as fate had it, both of them were going away to the Continent - the Potters to France, and Remus to Romania.

Waving away James’s apology, Sirius smiled. “I’m not sore about any of this, James. Really.” And he wasn’t. Hogwarts was good a place as any to stay. It was his true home, the one that welcomed him back every year without judgment. “I figure I can scout out more paths for the Map, and I don’t have to avoid class to do it.”

James and Remus both grinned back at him. “So you’ll be keepin’ it, then?” James chuckled.

“Can’t trust the lot of you to keep it safe,” he said with a smirk, patting his jacket where he’d stowed their Map. He also happened to have a special cigarette in there, and he gave James and Remus a knowing look as he pulled it out. “Shall we, lads?”

Outside, at their favorite overlook spot that gave them the best view of Hogsmeade, Sirius and James shared the enhanced cigarette while Remus leaned against a nearby tree.

“Sure you don’t want a hit or two?” Sirius called over to him as James passed back the joint.

Remus shook his head. “One of us should stay sober.”

“Ah, come on, Rem,” James drawled, a lazy lilt to his voice now. Sirius noted his friend’s eyes were half-lidded, and he grinned.

Still, Remus stood firm, arms crossed while he shook his head.

“You don’t have to, Remus.” Sirius wouldn’t pressure his other best friend, not when he knew how hard Remus tried to keep control and a level head at all times. Even when it wasn’t close to a full moon.

As he took a few more hits, Sirius stared off into the distance, at the winter wonderland Hogsmeade had transformed into under the snow. They were up to their shins in the stuff, but he didn’t mind the cold or the wet. His mind wasn’t on the chill or the way his scarf had loosened, allowing the cold to get through to him. His mind was somewhere else. In London, on a dimly lit cobblestone road.

With Lily.

From James he’d learned she was going home for Christmas, to stay with Petunia and their Aunt for the holiday. Good. If Lily needed anything right then, it was family, to give her love and warmth amidst the grief she endured.

“Don’t forget to write.”

Remus’s voice, so close, startled Sirius. He hadn’t realized his friend had joined them again. Smiling, Sirius wrapped his arm around Remus’s shoulders, giving him a tight squeeze. “I won’t, if you don’t forget to bring me back something exotic.” 

“Like a vampire’s tooth?” Remus said dryly.

“Naturally.” Sirius laughed as Remus shoved him lightly.

In predictable fashion, Sirius shoved him back, and then he dodged as Remus tried to retaliate. This caused him to shove James instead. One thing led to another, and soon they’d broken out into an all-out snowball fight, no holds barred. They waved their wands, sending snowballs flying through the air to pelt each other.

On their way back through Hogsmeade to Honeydukes, where their favorite secret tunnel to Hogwarts hid, Sirius laughed with James and Remus. They were dripping wet with snow, and Sirius’s own dark hair had icicles forming already on it.

In his mirth, he happened to glance back in time to catch sight of one slippery little serpent. Severus, standing in a darkened doorway.

Watching Lily as she walked into Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop.

“Go on ahead, lads. I think I left my lighter at the Three Broomsticks,” Sirius told Remus and James, the latter of which laughed at him and shook his head with a brief, “Be quick about it!”

Once they’d disappeared into Honeydukes, Sirius turned away from the inn and made a beeline for the Tea Shop. A bell above the door tinkled in a cheery way when he walked through, and the sight that greeted him gave him a full blown headache.

Pink was an understatement. Lace covered every flat surface, and just about every seat was taken by doe-eyed couples gazing at each other as if their whole world were right there in front of them. Sirius didn’t mind the atmosphere, and he appreciated the sweet smell of tea that permeated the air.

Catching sight of Lily, Sirius weaved his way to her table and plopped himself down in the empty seat across from her.

“Sirius?” Lily blinked at him in surprise, face turning several shades of red.

“I didn’t take you for the lace and plush type,” Sirius said with a wicked smile.

Lily snorted, rolling her eyes. “I could say the same for you.” 

Sirius picked up the empty teacup  in front of him and studied it. Pink bunnies danced along the porcelain cup, and on the saucer it sat upon.

“Are you saying I don’t fit in?” He leaned back, keeping his dark leather jacket on despite the warmth from the steaming tea being delivered to each table.

“Sirius, what are you doing here?” Lily asked, a bit exasperated.

“I came for the tea.” He tilted his head, smiling. “What are _ you  _ doing here?”

That blush crept back up onto her cheeks. “I...come here to read.”

Now that he paid attention, Sirius could see a small pile of books on Lily’s lap. One book sat open on the table in front of her beside her tea. He hadn’t pegged this suffocating tea shop as the ideal spot for some light - or heavy - reading.

“You can read in here? With all this noise?”

“I can’t stand the quiet,” she answered softly. “...and it’s warm, in here. Everyone’s happy.”

Sirius dropped his cocky grin and leaned forward. “Lily-”

“Will you stay?” She interrupted, idly fingering one of the old pages of the book she was currently reading.

Sirius rested his hand over hers, to still her nervous fingers. “I’ll stay.”


	9. Chapter 9

The chattering and the clinking of teacups on saucers was ceaseless. Sirius sat quietly in Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop, sipping on one of the day’s special blends. The name was too complicated for him to remember, but he wagered it had something to do with swirly, pink fairies, since that was precisely what the drink looked like. Pale pink, with a strange fizziness on his tongue, as if tiny feet were prancing around in his mouth. 

It was delicious.

His eyes went to Lily briefly. After he’d told her he’d stay with her, she’d gone right to reading her book, which he now knew to be  _ Advanced Potion-Making  _ by Libatius Borage. Did she even need textbook guidance any longer? She was quite possibly the best in the class. Sluggie certainly fawned over her.

“Did your tea say something clever?” Lily asked, bringing Sirius back to the present. When he raised his brow, she laughed. “You’ve been grinning into your cup for the last ten minutes.”

Sirius tried to wipe said grin off his face, then set down his cup. “Shouldn’t you be studying? Wouldn’t want those high marks to drop.”

Lily rolled her eyes, then shook her head. Sirius’s grin returned.

“Potions boring you already?” He chuckled. “I knew the day had to come, and lo, here it is.”

That brought out a laugh from her, and he smiled to himself. Songs could be written about that laugh, and the way her eyes twinkled in the bright light of the tea shop.

“If you must know, I’m a bit stumped,” she said, sighing and rubbing her eyes.

“You, stumped?” Sirius leaned forward, curious. “This is a first.”

Lily fiddled with the pages she had open in her book, nibbling on her lip as she met his eyes. “It’s this recipe. I know it’s centuries old, but something about it isn’t right, and-” She paused, then shook her head. “I won’t bore you with the details. You don’t care much for Potions.”

“Try me.” Sirius might not have cared for sharing a class with Slytherins, and though Slughorn’s voice put him to sleep, Lily was his friend. If this was important to her, then he was there to listen.

Lily paused, clearly deciding whether or not it was a good idea to talk class with him. Finally, she sighed. “Well, it’s the recipe for Living Death. We’ve got to brew one for midterms-”

“Sluggie’s making us brew poison?” Sirius asked, unable to help but interrupt.

“It’s not a potion of death- Honestly, Sirius, do you ever pay attention?”

He gave her a cheeky smile. “When it counts.”

Her lips twitched, as if she were holding back a smile. “Well, if you  _ were  _ listening in class, you’d know it’s a powerful sleeping draught, not poison.”

“Slumber, not silence. Right then.” Sirius nodded for her to continue. He wouldn’t interrupt again.

“In the recipe, it says to cut the Sopophorous beans. That just doesn’t seem right.”

“Why?”

“Those beans are nearly impossible to cut. They’ll go everywhere and it’ll be a horrid mess.” Lily’s nose scrunched as her eyes went back to her book. “It can’t be the most efficient way...and besides that, the stirrings seem all wrong.”

Sirius shrugged. “Then change it.”

She blinked, gazing back up at him. “Change the recipe? I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” He challenged her with a wicked grin.

“As odd as Professor Slughorn can be, he’s very much by-the-book.” Lily closed the old tome and set it aside. “And these recipes were written by the witches and wizards who brewed the potions in the first place. They wouldn’t get it wrong.”

In that respect, Sirius disagreed. Perhaps, when the potions had first been brewed, the recipe had been spot on. But he wouldn’t be surprised if, down the line and through the years, the recipe was written down wrong until no one could recognize its faults and it was too late.

“The great witches and wizards who gave us the gift of potions weren’t wrong, I reckon,” Sirius said. “But their disciples? They’re the ones with the rubbish memories.”

Lily smiled, shoulders dropping as she finally relaxed. Sirius had been afraid she’d be tense all afternoon with her nose in that book.

“I think I’ll have some of that new tea,” she said, and Sirius followed her gaze to the menu perched on their table. A new “special” had been magicked onto the top of the page. His current drink was already old news. Madam Puddifoot didn’t miss a beat.

While Lily tried to get the Madam’s attention, Sirius finished off the rest of his pink drink. It was tasty down to the last drop, and he was about to let his mind wander in a comfort-induced haze, when a dark figure passed behind Lily, on the other side of the window they sat near. The gait and shape of said figure was all too familiar and glaring, and Sirius’s eyes narrowed as they met those of Severus Snape’s for the briefest of moments. Then Snape passed entirely and was gone from sight.

Bloody bastard, and a creep on top of that.

“Sirius?” Lily moved in his line of sight as she waved her hand to get his attention. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” he answered absently as he picked up the menu. “I’m quite keen on these chocolate biscuits.”

“We can share them,” Lily offered with a sweet, genuine smile.

“You can have my chocolate biscuits when you pry them from my cold, dead hands.”

They both laughed, and Lily ordered her tea and those biscuits, which Sirius was most definitely looking forward to sharing. If it was with the girl in front of him, he’d share the world.

Madam Puddifoot delivered the tea and biscuits herself, and with a wave of her wand, mistletoe appeared above their table. “Happy Christmas!” With a flounce and bounce in her step, she glided away.

Sirius exchanged a glance with Lily after they’d both gazed up at the mistletoe. Well.

He cleared his throat. “How’s that ‘new special-tea’?” Had the mistletoe been absolutely necessary?

Lily’s face was bright red with a blush as she inhaled the pinkish steam coming from the top of her cup.

“It smells...decadent,” she said in a breathy whisper. “Incredible.”

“That good?” Sirius smiled crookedly, wishing he could have a smoke right then, as bad as that thought was. “How incredible?”

“Like...fresh blueberries, maybe blackberries, hot chocolate...” She paused, inhaling again. “And cigarette smoke.”

Sirius had been nodding absently, but that last one was peculiar. “What? Cigarette smoke?”

By now, Lily wore a dreamy look, her eyes a bit glazed over. “Yes, and the first snow-” She tilted the cup up to drink. 

“Lily, don’t!” Sirius moved fast, grabbing the cup from her. The contents sloshed out, staining the delicate lace table covering. But that wasn’t his concern at the moment. He lifted the cup close and sniffed, then hurriedly tossed it to the ground, where it shattered.

“Huh- what?” Lily came out of her daze, blinking away whatever fantasy she’d been living moments ago. “Why’d you take my tea?”

“That wasn’t tea.”


	10. Chapter 10

Sirius waved his wand wordlessly at the broken teacup, then held his hand out as the pieces flew to his palm, reassembling themselves until it looked like there wasn’t a scratch on the porcelain. At first sight, the teacup was ordinary in that it had the same pink and gold patterning as all the rest of Madam Puddifoot’s finery. 

Except, Sirius noticed something different on this one. His own cup had playful bunnies, and from the few glances he’d taken around the shop, birds, deer, and flowers also adorned the saucers and plates in varying patterns. This particular teacup held none of those. Rather, the pink swirls decorating the outside formed the silhouette and small, fine details of a face.

He wanted to smash it all over again.

Instead, he placed it on the table with the utmost care. Lily was staring at him, eyes wide with confusion and silent horror.

“What just happened?” She asked, so softly he almost didn’t hear her.

“I need a smoke,” Sirius answered, dodging the question. He stood, adjusted his jacket, then offered his hand to Lily. “Join me?”

There was no hesitation this time, and after she’d packed up her books, the two of them weaved through the crowded shop and left, stepping out into the cold. Despite how numb his fingers had already become from the few moments’ exposure to the air, Sirius took out a cigarette and lit it almost desperately.

“Sirius, please, talk to me,” Lily said. She’d placed her hand on his arm, and she gazed at him with great concern.

“Amortentia,” he sighed, blowing the smoke away from her.

“What?”

“Your tea was mixed with Amortentia,” he explained. “You know, the love potion.”

Lily nodded. “I know.” Then she frown and shook her head. “But- I don’t understand. Why? Who put it there?” She gasped. “Not Madam Puddifoot?”

Sirius had a clear idea who’d done it, but he wouldn’t make the accusation in front of Lily. At least not any time in the near future. He shrugged.

“If she did, she did it without being aware of it.” He took another drag, inhaling the sweet smoke deep into his lungs. It calmed him. “Mostly likely she was coerced, or bewitched.” An unforgivable spell may have been put on the poor witch. And, based on his suspicions, he wouldn’t put it past the creep to curse Madam Puddifoot.

Lily went quiet, and they walked in a heavy silence as they made their way toward Honeydukes. Well, Sirius was making his way there, and Lily stayed by his side.

“How did you know it was Amortentia?” She asked at last, when they were just a few paces away from the sweets shop.

“You said it smelled like cigarette smoke. Quite sure that’s not how tea’s supposed to smell.” He opened the door for her, following after he’d tossed his ciggie. The warmth of Honeydukes was a welcome change. “And while Sluggie’s class is more potent than Living Death, I’m no stranger to Amortentia...I’ve encountered it a few times before.”

Lily turned to him, eyes wide again. “No-”

“Yes.” He ran his fingers through his shaggy black hair. “Don’t worry, no one’s gotten me quite yet.” He mustered up a crooked smile as he met her gaze.

“I can’t believe I didn’t realize…” Lily shut her eyes tightly, huffing. “I should’ve known. The steam was all swirly, and the pearly sheen of the tea…”

“It’s alright,” Sirius assured her. “I won’t tell anyone the great Potions Protege was fooled by Amortentia.”

Lily smiled faintly. “This is serious.”

“Actually, I think  _ I’m  _ Sirius.”

That earned him a light shove from her, and a laugh. Music to his ears.

He turned and picked up a Chocolate Frog, then a box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor beans. 

“Which one?” He asked, attempting to change the subject.

By the look she gave him, it was clear Lily didn’t want to drop the Amortentia mess. But she sighed, smiling a bit. “Er, I like both?”

“Both it is.” Sirius took the treats to the clerk to pay. “You can keep the card.” He didn’t collect those like Remus did.

Fifteen minutes later they sat in the Three Broomsticks with a couple of butter beers. Sirius remembered he’d forgotten to meet up with Remus and James, but he was sure they’d understand. This wouldn’t be the first time he’d gone astray, and always found his way back.

“Right then.” His wicked grin appeared as he opened Bertie Bott’s. “We’ll each take one and eat them quickly without looking. It’s tradition.”

Lily laughed. “Then it’s the first time I’m hearing of it.”

“It’s our new tradition,” he amended with a warm smile. Lily flushed.

“At the same time?” She asked. When Sirius nodded, they both reached in the box, then popped the beans into their mouths.

As they chewed, Lily wore an easy smile. Sirius mirrored it.

“Got a good one, eh?” He asked, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms behind his head.

Lily’s smile turned into a grimace as she finally broke her calm composure. “Horseradish!”

Sirius chuckled. “Vomit.”

They both, reluctantly, swallowed their respective beans. Lily did so with a violent shiver. 

“I’d like that chocolate frog now.” She coughed, sipping her butter beer while Sirius handed over the blue Chocolate Frog package.

Faster than he’d ever seen her move, Lily tore open the treat and bit off the animated frog’s head quickly before it could hop away. She sighed in apparent relief.

“Better?” He reached over and took the package, pulling out the card from the bottom. “Godric Gryffindor. There’s about a hundred of those going around.” He’d seen his fair share of Godrics in his short lifetime of eating Chocolate Frogs.

“I’ve never gotten him before,” Lily confessed with a small smile.

Sirius smiled back, then held out the card to her. “He’s all yours.”

She took the card and seemed to study it while she took another bite of her treat. “You know, you favor him a bit.”

Sirius’s brow raised. “Yeah? Twins, are we?”

She snorted, flushing. “Alright, so you don’t have the beard, and your darker...but he’s got kind eyes. Like you.”

His grin turned a bit soft, and he lifted his goblet of butter beer to her.

The hours went by, and before Sirius knew it, he’d spent all day with Lily in the Three Broomsticks, going over potions and recipes for their upcoming exams. Somehow, she’d convinced him to care, and by the time they’d decided to call it quits, night had fallen in Hogsmeade. 

  
“Come on, I know a shortcut,” Sirius said as they headed along the snowy, abandoned streets of Hogsmeade, toward Honeydukes. 

“ _ There ain’t no moonlight after midnight… _ ” Lily sang softly, gazing up at the starry sky. When she met his amused gaze, she flushed and looked away. “It’s been in my head all day.”

Rather than take out a cigarette, Sirius let his hand fall to his side. “ _ I got no feelings, ah no feelings, no feelings for anybody else…” _

He looked at her, and she looked at him. They exchanged a smile, carrying on through the snow. Somehow their hands came together, and their fingers intertwined.


	11. Chapter 11

“Have you ever thought about death?” 

It was Lily who spoke. She sat with Sirius on the plush red couch in the Gryffindor common room, warmed up by the roaring fire in front of them. Between them sat an empty chocolate frog package and a half-empty box of Bertie Bott’s. They each alternated between eating a bean and guessing what the other had by the look on their face.

And, by the way Lily grimaced at the green bean she’d popped into her mouth, Sirius figured she’d gotten a good one. “Booger,” he announced with a smirk, watching as she nearly gagged on the flavor. “Death? Honestly, Evans, you can be truly morbid.”

Lily choked with a small laugh, eyes wet from eating one too many terrible jelly beans.

“Alright, alright, so it’s rather unromantic…” She began, coughing softly.

“Is this supposed to be romantic?” Sirius teased. He blindly grabbed a bean from the box and chewed it quickly. Fortunately for him, it tasted sweet instead of like a rotten, sweaty sock.

Lily’s pale cheeks reddened. “You know what I mean.”

“Do I?” Another roguish grin.

Lily shoved his shoulder as she wrinkled her nose. “Sirius…”

“Evans…”

“Oh, bugger off, then!” Lily pushed away from the couch and made to storm back up the stairs to the room she shared with her friends.

“Wait- Evans, come on. I’m just being a git,” Sirius called to her before she could disappear completely. She stopped, her back to him. He sighed, hanging his head a moment. “I’m a great cock up, an insufferable arse and a homely one at that. So please stay and humor me, even though we both know I don’t deserve your time.” 

Silence hung between them, and then Lily had joined him on the couch again. Her were pursed, but then she snorted. “You really are a useless git.”

“Completely.” Sirius agreed without hesitation. “Ask me again.”

“You’ll answer it seriously?” Lily eyed him warily. When he opened his mouth to speak, she put her hand over his lips, already grinning. “No, don’t answer that. I’m done with your awful wordplay.”

“Mlnhin.”

“What?” She pulled her hand away.

“You love it.” Sirius smiled, pushing his shaggy black hair out of his face.

Lily ignored his teasing and sobered. “So, do you? Ever think about death?”

“My own, or in general?” There was a big difference, and he preferred thinking of one over the other, though death was unpleasant no matter who kicked it.

“Er- yours.” Lily bit her lip.

Sirius shrugged as he idly fingered the edge of the Bertie Bott’s box. “Yeah, it crosses my mind, here and there. Surely I’m not the only one thinking about it.”

“Does it scare you?”

“Dying?” When Lily nodded, Sirius shook his head with a crooked smile. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Because it happens to everyone. It’s inevitable.” Death was the one thing that connected all living things. They were all so different, humans from animals, animals from plants, Muggles from Wizards. But, in the end, they all took one last breath, one last heartbeat. “You can’t escape it, so why fear it?”

Lily seemed to consider. “What if you knew you were going to die young?”

“I’d hope it was a worthwhile death.” He laughed softly as she gave him a strange look. He supposed death didn’t seem so worthwhile, since it was the end of all things. “I mean, if I’m going to die, I’d want to go out a hero. I’d want to die sacrificing myself to save someone I loved.”

“That’s rather romantic of you, Sirius.” There was a hint of teasing in her tone.

He met her green gaze and found that her eyes twinkled with mischief and laughter at his expense. That was the Lily Evans he liked to see - the fearless, ruthless bird whose tongue was just as sharp as his own.

“I”m being serious,” he told her.

“You were born Sirius.”

Now it was  _ his  _ turn to lightly shove at her shoulder, holding back a laugh while she guffawed loud enough to wake the dead. And she did startle a few ancient wizards and witches who hung along the walls in their portraits. There were a few grumbles, and then the soft snoring started up once more.

“Cheeky,” Sirius murmured, the best he could do for now. “What about you, then? What do you think of your death, Miss Evans?”

Lily pulled her knees up and rested her feet against his thigh. “I’ve always been afraid. There’s so much I want to do, so much I want to see and feel and know...death will snatch that all away, especially an early one.” She picked at one of her nails, then lifted her eyes to his again. “But, I figure dying for a loved one  _ is  _ the best way to go, if it has to be that way. I hope it never has to come to that.”

“Who knows? Perhaps you’ll fall in love with some ugly tosser who’ll make you want to drop your knickers and give him a wild brood.” Sirius reached into his pocket for his cigarettes, but stopped himself.

He must’ve said something right, for Lily smiled, and it reached her eyes. “Maybe I will.”

“Not too many, mind you. There’re only so many respectable names to hand out.” Sirius nodded as if he spoke some thousand-year-old wisdom.

“What would you name your child, if you had one?”

Now she wanted to speak of children? As if he’d get himself saddled with some brats who vaguely resembled him and made his life hell. But he’d humor her, as she’d humored him by staying and talking with him. “Harry.”

“What?”

“If I had a lad, I’d name him Harry.”

Lily grinned. “A Muggle name? From a respectable Pureblood like you?”

Sirius glared at her briefly. Pureblood. He hated how that name associated him with a slew of evil, single-minded cretins who’d love nothing more than to put someone like Lily in a dark, damp cage. Or a grave.

“I like Harry. What do you have against Harry?” He was only slightly teasing.

Lily rested her head against the back of the loveseat. “Nothing at all. I’m rather fond of that name now.” She straightened her legs so they lay over Sirius’s lap. His hands lightly encircled them as he pulled her closer.

“Are you now?” He smiled, tilting his head.

She reached out to brush his hair behind his ear, then palmed his cheek. “Yeah.”


	12. Chapter 12

Sirius gazed at Lily, and she gazed back. He’d nearly pulled her on his lap, and now they were close, so very close. Silence hung between them, the kind that could only be filled with a gentle touch, a warm smile, or even something more…

Lily must have thought the same, for she leaned forward, and Sirius watched as her lashes dropped and she closed her eyes. He could hear the soft hitch in her breath, feel the rapid beat of her pulse just from holding one of her hands. Oddly enough, his body reacted in much the same way, and without thinking, he lowered his head to finally,  _ finally  _ have those soft lips against his.

_ Thud. Crash. _

The sound of laughter soon followed as a group of second years, who shouldn’t have been out this late, came stumbling into the Gryffindor common room, playfully pointing their wands at each other.

Both Sirius and Lily had sprung away from each other at the same time, and in a second flat Lily had fled to the other side of the sofa, knees pulled up to her chest like a barrier. The second years passed them without a glance in their direction, but it still felt like they small children who’d been caught doing a naughty thing.

He turned his head away from her until the rowdy group had disappeared up the stairs to the boys’ dormitory. The moment their voices faded and the only sound in the common room was the crackling fire, he glanced Lily, watching as she stood from the sofa. She did that little finger twirl with a strand of her coppery hair. She gave him a brief, small smile.

“I should get to bed,” she murmured. Was she being shy now?

Sirius nodded robotically. “Right. Yeah.”

“Well, er- good night, Sirius.”

“Night, Evans.” Sirius saluted her with slight grin. She smiled back, cheeks rosy, and then she hurried out of the common room.

Once she was gone, Sirius blew out a huge sigh and slumped low in his seat. What in the bloody hell was he thinking? This whole thing with Lily Evans was going to land him in deep shit, he just knew it. She was James’s girl. Not officially, but every bloke knew that when your best mate fancied a pretty bird, you stayed away so he had a chance.

It was very, very hard to stay away from Evans.

\----------

 

The day had arrived for everyone to leave Hogwarts to stay with their families for Christmas. Well, mostly everyone. Some students, like Sirius, were staying behind, given permission to roam Hogwarts for the duration of the holiday. It was a relief, actually. The idea of spending another holiday with his family made Sirius shudder. This year he was breaking the tradition of being miserable on December 25th at 12 Grimmauld Place. “You’re sure you don’t want to stay with us, Sirius?” James asked him as they stood by the train with Remus and Peter as students boarded. “Mum likes you, y’know.” 

Sirius smiled, hands in his jacket pockets. “Tell her sorry for me, and thank you.” He liked the Potters, but he wanted this time to himself. “I might stop by for dinner.” That much he could promise.

James’s face lit up in a big smile. “I’ll listen for your motorbike.”

Sirius laughed, then embraced his friend warmly.

“Lads, the train’s going to leave without us…” Peter whined, to which Sirius rolled his eyes as he grinned at Remus.

“Watch Potter for me, yeah?” He slung his arm around Remus’s shoulders, giving him a firm squeeze.

“I’ll try.” Remus laughed softly, leaning against Sirius for a brief moment. “Oh, and be careful.”

And then the three of them were boarding the Hogwarts Express. As it left, they poked their heads out of one of the windows and waved to Sirius like the fools they were. He chuckled, waving back and standing there at the platform until he was the only one left. He’d briefly caught sight of Lily earlier in the day, but he’d thought it best to keep his distance, especially with James near.

Now it was just him, and his newly lit cigarette, filling him up with its sweet, warm smoke. Snow fell around him, covering every inch of ground he could see. The bright white was nearly blinding, and so he headed back into the castle.

Time to put on some records, eat some Bertie Bott’s, and plan out a bit of Christmas mischief.

\----------

 

_ Christmas Eve, 1976 _

 

Sirius put the finishing touches on his small Christmas tree. He had a Sex Pistols album blasting loudly in the room as he danced around and put the last ornament on his tree. Letters from James, Remus and even Peter were strewn over his bed, along with the gifts they’d sent him. Since he was here, by himself, he’d gone ahead and opened them. It was Christmas Eve, after all - close enough to real Christmas. 

From James he’d received 20 galleons - as if he needed anymore money - and one of those Muggle record players, which he currently had in use. He loved that gift the best, deciding right away that music sounded better with Muggle technology than magic. 

From Remus, he’d gotten an small album of moving photographs from the Lupin family trip to France. Sirius really liked those, seeing his friend’s smiling face as he visited the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, and the beautiful countryside outside of Paris.

From Peter...well, the Chocolate Frog had been delicious.

It was a quiet Christmas for Sirius, but he rather liked it. There was no yelling, no scathing remarks from Mother, no long tirades about the Muggle scourge...just peace. Just him and his music, and the lovely gifts from his best mates.

Sirius fell onto his bed and closed his eyes, relaxing and bouncing his foot to the beat.

A quick  _ tap tap tap _ brought him out of his cozy little world, bursting that bubble. Lifting his head, he noticed a funny little owl at the window, tapping at the glass with its beak. It chirped at him when he opened the window, where he could see the letter attached to its foot. The moment he took it, the owl hopped into the room, searching for food.

“Hang on, hang on,” Sirius murmured, searching for a treat. As he did, he glanced at the letter, which merely had his name scrawled on it in a flowing script. He had to admit, he’d never seen his name look so appealing.

“Here. Now bugger off,” he told the owl after giving it some food. The creature screeched at him, then took off, leaving him to his peace.

If this was a letter from Mother, he was burning it, he swore that on her grave. But, he was pretty sure it couldn’t be her, for the envelope wasn’t stamped with the Black family seal. Instead, the back had been sealed with a small sticker in the shape of a flower.

Smiling to himself, he opened it.

 

_ Dear Sirius, _

_ Happy Christmas! I hope you’re not getting into too much trouble. I’d hate to come back, only to find that you’d been expelled. Who else am I supposed to go to wild parties with and eat those rubbish beans? There’s no way I’ll be able to skip class to hear all the coolest music in London, either. Not without you. _

_ If it’s too lonely at Hogwarts, you’re welcome to spend Christmas here with my family. It’s only me, Petunia, and our aunt. I don’t think they’d mind one more, as stubborn as they can be.  _

_ Love, _

_ L _

_ P.S. It’s not much fun, being the only one under the mistletoe. _

 

Sirius read, and reread, the letter, many times over. He could almost see her writing this, and he’d definitely heard her voice as if she’d spoken the words to him. Lily was none too subtle in her letter. She wanted to see him. At Christmas. 

She also wanted to kiss him, and damn it if he didn’t want the same.

So he weighed his options. What could it hurt, to visit her? She’d become important to him, and he wasn’t one to ignore this kind of invitation. Had it been from his family, he’d have ripped the message to shreds. But this particular letter - if he’d had less shame, he’d frame it. As it were, he folded it up and put it back into its envelope, where it would be safe.

He had some packing to do.

Not a few hours later, Sirius pulled up on his motorbike to a familiar small house near Spinner’s End in Cokeworth. It was late, evening, but the lights were still on, from where he stood outside the small gate. He let himself through, walking along the cobblestone path to the front door. Ten paces away, the door swung open, and out came a beautiful angel in the guise of a fiery haired girl.

Lily’s smile speared straight through him, causing him to stop mid-step. She didn’t seem to notice as she ran right to him, throwing her arms around his neck and holding him tight. His own arms wrapped around her instinctually.

“You came!” She laughed, breathless, in his ear.

“‘Course I came,” Sirius said with a grin. “If I’d waited any longer, the mistletoe might’ve wilted.”

Lily pulled back to look at him with a sheepish smile, and even in the dark he could see her bright red cheeks. “Come inside before I decide to let you freeze your arse off.” She tugged at his hand, guiding him into the cozy house.

“Where’s your sister?” Sirius didn’t see anyone as he stepped inside.

“She and Auntie went upstairs to get ready for bed.” Lily was speaking softly now, as if she didn’t want to be heard. Sirius took note of it.

“What’s in the bag?” She asked as she made him a spot of tea in the kitchen.

Sirius set the pack he’d brought onto the table, then reached in and retrieved a small wrapped present. “Happy Christmas, Evans.”

Lily’s face flushed, making his heart skip a beat. She rushed out of the kitchen, and when she came back, she also held a wrapped gift, complete with ribbon and bow. “Happy Christmas, Sirius.” She set the gift on the table next to the one he’d procured, moving closer to him.

They gazed at each other, fire crackling softly from the other room. He was reminded of that moment they’d had in the Gryffindor common room, when she’d been so close,  _ this close.  _ He leaned down as she leaned up, and his arms wrapped around her waist while hers circled his neck once more. God, she was beautiful. She was everything he didn’t deserve-

“ _ WHO IS THAT?”  _


	13. Chapter 13

This time, there was no hiding the fact that Sirius and Lily were wrapped up in each other. A lanky, skinny young woman stood at the bottom of the stairs, sneering at them so fiercely Sirius thought her face might stick like that forever. He could see her knuckles turning white from how hard she gripped the end of the bannister. 

“ _ Who  _ are  _ you,  _ and  _ what  _ are you doing in  _ my  _ house?” The shrill young woman demanded again as she stalked toward them, crossing her spindly arms over her chest.

“Tuney,” Lily began, having extricated herself from Sirius’s arms. He soon grew cold from her absence, he noted. “This is Sirius. He’s a friend from school.”

“That freak school for freaks?” Her sister spat, eyeing Sirus up and down quickly.

Glancing between them, Sirius merely smiled charmingly at Petunia. Well, he smiled in a way he knew made the girls at school swoon over him, not that he paid them much mind. Sometimes all those notes and gifts left for him became tiresome, especially since his admirers didn’t really know him at all. Petunia did not swoon. Although, he did notice a pink tinge to her thin, pale cheeks.

“You must be Petunia.” As he spoke, he added a lilt to her name. The blush on her cheeks darkened. “Lily’s told me all about you. How you’re the only sensible one in the family. A proper, normal woman.” Really, what he knew about Lily’s sister was that she absolutely hated magic and everything having to do with it.

But, his words seemed to have their desired effect. Petunia’s harshness softened, even the slightest bit.

“That’s right. I’ve nothing to do with that rubbish Lily’s gotten herself in.” Petunia stuck her nose in the air, smiling wickedly, proud. “You’re no better.”

“You’re right,” he agreed with a nod, and he caught Lily’s look briefly. “It’s proper bollocks that I’ve been cursed with this freakish talent.” By Petunia’s smile, he could tell he had her. “Maybe you could help me, teach me to be normal again.” It was a great struggle not to laugh.

“Sirius…” Lily murmured from beside him, discreetly elbowing his side. Sirius grinned.

“I could do that,” Petunia agreed.

“Then, we’ve got an understanding?” Perhaps this girl would leave them and go back to bed.

Petunia thought about it for a moment, then turned away from them, going toward the stairs. “I’m still telling Auntie you brought a freak into the house, Lily!” She sneered, and then she was running up the stairs.

“C’mon!” Sirius grabbed Lily’s hand, laughing as he tugged her along with him.

“Where are we going?” Lily questioned, laughing along with him as he retrieved his bag and the gifts they’d exchanged, putting everything away before he darted outside with her.

“Anywhere but here.” Sirius stopped for the briefest moment to take off his jacket, putting it around her shoulders. “Put this on, it’s freezing.”

Outside, it had begun to snow again, and a breeze picked up, making the cold night colder. Frigid, even. Once Lily had his jacket on, closed tight, he ran out to his motorbike with her. “Safety first, Evans,” he grinned, handing her his helmet. She gave him a gentle shove and made a face, but kissed his cheek after she’d secured the helmet on her head, over her fiery hair.

She soon joined him on his bike, her arms coming around him easily. She held him tight without him having to say it, and so a small smile graced his lips as he revved the engine. “Don’t worry, I’ll get you back by Christmas morning,” he promised her.

He felt her rest her chin on his shoulder before she said, “I don’t think I want you to.”

Sirius’s heart pounded hard. He wouldn’t argue with her on that.

With another rev, they zoomed forward and took flight into the dark, snow-filled sky. As he steered, his mind went through every place he could possibly take her. Somewhere cozy, somewhere warm, somewhere that felt like Christmas on such short notice.

Some hours later, the pair rode into Godric’s Hollow, a small village that housed both Muggles and magic folk. Sirius had brought his motorbike back to the ground about a mile from the village, so as not to spook the Muggles. He’d yet to master a cloaking spell for when he flew.

“Where are we?” Lily asked, her breath hot against his ear.

“Godric’s Hollow,” he answered, pulling up to the inn. Every village had an inn for the late-night stragglers like themselves.

“Godric’s? Like Godric Gryffindor?”

“The very same,” he chuckled, killing the engine and standing. He helped Lily from her seat, then took the helmet from her. She stepped away and looked around, gazing in fascination. Sirius couldn’t blame her- as plain as Godric’s Hollow was in the daylight, especially in the hot summers, it was absolutely beautiful covered in glittering snow that shined in the lamplight.

“It’s so…” She began, trailing off.

“So?” Sirius hesitated, wondering if she hated it and wanted to go back home.

“Lovely.” Lily turned to him and smiled warmly. “Cozy.”

Sirius returned her smile, unable to stop himself. She had that effect on him.

“Are we staying here?” Lily asked. She gazed up at the inn he’d parked his motorbike near. He whispered a small spell, which would hopefully keep everyone away from it if they got too close.

He nodded, gazing up at the building right along with her. “Yeah. I’ve stayed here before, a few times...when I needed to get away.” He didn’t need to explain why. Lily’s hand suddenly wrapped itself around his own, and he felt her support through the gentle squeeze she gave him.

When he looked at her, his breath caught. The light from the streep lamp they stood under created a halo around her hair, making her coppery locks shimmer. Her green eyes sparkled as they met his, and he swore he could lose himself in those emerald depths.

“Dance with me,” he breathed.

Lily gave him a funny look, tilting her head. “What?” There was a hint of a laugh in her voice.

“Dance with me.”

“There’s no music, Sirius.” Now she wore a wry smile.

Since there wasn’t another soul around on the streets this late at night, Sirius took out his wand and discreetly waved it, not having to speak the spell aloud. Suddenly, music filled the air. Specifically, ‘If I Fell’ by The Beatles filled the air around them.

“How-” Lily looked around. “Are you making the music? Out of nothing?”

“Don’t be thick, Evans. You can’t make something out of nothing, not even with magic,” Sirius teased lightly. “There’s a bloke down the road playing it in his flat. I’m...borrowing it.” He flashed her his signature smile.

She flushed, shaking her head. “You don’t even like The Beatles that much.”

It was true, he preferred the newer music that played in the London clubs, bands that looked as grungy and punk as their songs sounded. “No, but you do.”

And then he’d pulled her close, one hand wrapped around her while the other held hers. Their fingers laced as they slowly swayed to the tune.

‘... _ would you promise to be true, and help me understand…cause I’ve been in love before…’ _

Lily rested her head against his shoulder, and he in turn laid his cheek against her head, on the knitted green cap she always wore, closing his eyes.

“You’re not cold?” She murmured into his jumper.

“Not in the slightest,” he whispered.

‘... _ if I give my heart to you I must be sure from the very start....” _

Truthfully, he wasn’t cold. With her in his arms, wearing his jacket, he was incredibly warm, heart racing under her cheek. She smelled of cider and holly, everything Christmas, and also a hint of herself, that warm vanilla and herbal smell he caught every time they passed in the corridors at Hogwarts. She felt like home, the kind of home he’d dreamed of his whole life.

‘... _ if I love you too oh please don’t hurt my pride….cause I couldn’t stand the the pain…” _

Lily lifted her head and gazed up at him. Sirius lowered his head, resting his forehead against hers.

‘... _ I would love to love you…’ _

Warm feelings, happy thoughts - those were gifts he’d never experienced outside of Hogwarts. When he’d turned eleven and had come to Hogwarts, he’d found friends that had respected him and lifted him up. They’d welcomed him in despite his family history of Slytherins and dark wizards. At home, there was no love, and the best love he’d ever known had been the love only best friends could share. That had been it.

Until now.

When he opened his eyes again, he found her staring at him with a warmth in her eyes he’d not seen yet. She often smiled at him in a soft, open way, but this...this was something more. It was the kind of look that spoke everything they didn’t need to say aloud.

Their lips met in a sweet, hesitant kiss. This was so new, so fragile, and Sirius didn’t want it to mean anything, but it did. And that’s what scared him. But Lily’s kiss warmed him down to his toes, and his scalp tingled as she brushed her hands through his messy, dark hair, pulling him deeper into this thing that had bloomed between them.

He pulled back slightly, meeting her eyes briefly before they kissed again and again, tasting and exploring each other until they were breathless. Their breaths came out in small, white puffs in the cold air.

“Lily…”

“Sirius…”

“Oye! Get in ‘ere, you’ll freeze your arses off!” An old woman shouted from the entrance to the inn.

Sirius grinned as Lily flushed, and then they burst out laughing before they hurried inside.


End file.
